


Lies hurt, truth heals

by CatherineWinner



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 09:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21721081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatherineWinner/pseuds/CatherineWinner
Summary: Buck lies to keep Eddie safe during a call and places himself in danger.Eddie struggles with the aftermath.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 13
Kudos: 517





	Lies hurt, truth heals

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about firefighting. Literally not a damn thing.
> 
> Unbetaed because I'm lazy, judge me as you will.
> 
> Comments are appreciated!

He lied to him.

That was the single thought that consumed Eddie for the entire trip back to the station. He hadn’t been able to regulate his breathing and found himself in the locker room gasping for breath. It had been over an hour since the incident, over an hour since he realized Buck had lied to him and could die because of it. Over an hour sin ce Buck survived but Eddie’s breathing hadn’t slowed. 

“I’m going to see him. The doctors wanted to check him out but they say he should be OK. The others can take care of everything. Would you like to come?” Bobby offered, standing in the doorway evaluating Eddie.

“Yeah,” Eddie uttered on an exhale. He moved toward the door and realized he was still in gear. “I’ll be down in 10.”

Bobby nodded and moved away.

He lied to me.

He was changed and in the truck in 7. 

-

Eddie let Bobby lead the way. 

He focused on inhaling with the count of four, holding for four and exhaling for four. It had been an old Military trick he had learned to help him reduce the adrenaline release in his brain that could mess up his focus and prevent him from doing his job. 

Now it was prevent an anger outburst.

Or panic attack, depending on how one may view the cause.

“Cap-” Buck started as soon as the men entered the room.

Eddie allowed himself to absorb the image of his partner. His alive partner, his breathing, and whole partner. Relief was short lived, rage was stronger.

Eddie listened as Bobby chasitized and Buck took his licks. Bobby reminded Buck of protocol, policy and safety regulations. He counted his breath again, staring at Buck who had the decency to look ashamed.

Inhale, 1, 2, 3, 4, hold, 1,2, 3,4, exhale, 1,2,3,4 

He was proud of himself, his heart rate was lowering, he could feel the blood returning to his head and extremities. 

Then Buck had to open his fucking mouth.

“Eddie’s radio crash right after I got the message about the elderly man trapped upstairs.” Buck was explaining to Bobby. 

Eddie stepped forward, his mind short circuiting. Buck was not going to justify this, Buck was not going to blame him. 

Bobby frowned and looked behind him towards Eddie, “Is that true?”

Eddie opened his mouth to speak, his rage bubbled over. “I don’t care if my mask and broke with it. He fucking lied to me. He lied to us. He was a maldito idiota....Y casi te pierdo por eso.”

Even Eddie could hear the grief as he lapsed into Spanish. Bobby frowned slightly and turned back to Buck.

“Keep going.” Bobby offered with more compassion than moments earlier.

Buck was still staring at Eddie, his expression puzzled but hopeful. He turned back to their Captain and continued. “I saw the stairs had been damaged by the fire and knew one of us could make it up and down but not both. I knew I could do it. Having Eddie stick around felt like a…” He glance with concern towards the man then back at Bobby, “risk.”

A risk?

He was going to defend lying to him by saying he was doing it for him?

“That’s bullshit, and you fucking know it. Those stairs were fine! The fire hadn’t reached that level and you fucking lied to me!”

“He did but he was also right.” Bobby offered quietly. 

Eddie’s glaze snapped to the older man. He hoped he hadn’t heard him right.

“Excuse me?”

Bobby softened his eyes and looked between the men.

“He was right to do so. Your equipment wasn’t working correctly, you should have gotten the hell out of there. The victim was a 96 year old man, Buck was capable of carrying him down alone. And those steps had been weakened by the fire at the floor below it.”

“He lied to me.” Eddie snapped. His rage all but consuming him.

“He did. And he shouldn’t have,” Bobby sent Buck a sharp glance, “But you wouldn’t have left otherwise.”

“And you would have been in danger if those steps had given out and you didn’t have a radio-” Buck started, confidence in his voice.

Eddie lifted his hand and pointed hard at him. “You don’t get to speak.”

Bobby raised his hands in surrender and took several steps towards Eddie. “He told me to head back, he told me that another team had gotten the man and that you said to head back. And I did,” Eddie hated the way his voice broke on the last word, “I left him in a burning building to carry an old man by himself. Because I thought he was behind me.”

Bobby nodded, “He should have told you the truth.”

“I was gonna but then I realized he wouldn’t-” Buck started with faint defensiveness. Eddie wanted to strangle him.

“You lied to me and let me believe you were behind me.” Eddie knew he was screaming, knew he had just pushed their Captain out of his way to reach Buck and jam a finger in his chest. “I believed you! I walked out of that building and you weren’t there.”

Buck swallowed and Eddie recognized shame on his face. “Eddie-”

“No, this is my turn. You had your chance to talk to me.” Eddie found himself leaning closer, jabbing a finger into his shoulder. “I had to watch the floor I was just on collapse and realize in that some fucking moment, dios…”he realized he was gasping for breath, “that you had lied to me. And you were still up there, alone.”

Eddie’s arm dropped to his side, the exhaustion of the last hour hitting him.

“I’m sorry.” Buck whispered. “I was scared that if the stairs gave out and you went down you wouldn’t have a radio for us to get you out.”

Eddie lifted his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes. He could feel the burning of tears starting. The anger had subsided and now grief would hit him. 

“Eddie,” Buck’s voice was softer still. “Sit.” He moved slightly in the hospital bed and patted the space. 

Eddie dropped his hands from his eyes and looked around the room. They were alone. He felt a moment of embarrassment that he hadn’t realized that their Captain had left the room.

Buck’s hand snaked it’s away to the back of Eddie’s neck. “I am sorry.”

Eddie nodded. 

“Just, don’t do it ever again.” Eddie muttered, fear still wracking his mind. “I can’t lose you..Christopher can’t lose you…” Anger bubbled again as he mentioned his son’s name. “Did you even think about him? What it would do to lose you again-”

“I did.” Buck said quietly, his thumb stroking Eddie’s neck slowly, with steady pressure. “I thought about what losing you would do to him, what it could do to me and I made the choice I could live with.”

Eddie clenched his jaw, “So I’d have to live without you then? You’d be Ok with that, me and Chrsitopher at your funeral? Him losing another parent and me losing another-” He stopped himself. 

Another partner? Another love? Another companion?

“Another?” Buck asked, his voice laced with interest.

Another chance to be happy? Another person that made him feel more than a dad and a fighter, more than he knew he was capable of feeling?

Suddenly Buck’s thumb stopped it’s massaging and the realization of what he had almost lost hit him. 

His realization must have been as obvious to him as it was to Buck.

Buck smirked, a happy smile with a touch of pride. 

“A la mierda,” Eddie muttered to himself as he grasp Buck’s face with both hands and yanked him into a kiss.

He ignored the smile on Buck’s lips and instead focused on the rippling pleasure that shot through him. Buck’s other hand had now found its way to his bicep and was pulling him closer still.

He lapped into Buck’s mouth, pushing pass teeth and savoring when his body instinctively lifted to get above him, craving more access, more body to feel.

He pulled away when breath became a demand, not letting go of his hold on Buck’s face.  
“Never again,” he whispered between gasped, the desperation in his voice was apparent.

Buck nodded, “No more lies.”

“Good.”

“So in the interest of truth, I would like to keep doing that.” Buck smirked, licking his lips and staring so obviously Eddie felt lust and longing replace any last traces of fear.

Eddie smiled back, “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you all think! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
